It all started in 2014, when I went to see a counsellor, because I was worried that I wanted a relationship and liked kissing and romance, but I didn’t like sex, and she told me, “I’m worried about you, because if you want a good guy, you will need to have sex to keep him.”
I was absolutely horrified!
This was the worst thing I could have been told…
I thought to myself, how can any guy be good for me, if they want me to do something to me, that I don’t want to do?
To me, that’s like giving a guy a license to rape me – and that’s not happening.
It meant she was telling me I can’t get love without sex, and that my only value and worth of being in a relationship with a “good” guy, is based on if I have sex with him or not!
Not only is this sending a very dangerous message to me and anyone who is counselled by her…
… it’s the equivalent of saying that anyone who doesn’t have sex, cannot get a “good” guy, so they can’t have a “good” relationship, and aren’t worthy of love.
So what happens to all the people who are not asexual, but who can’t have sex because their disability or special needs, makes it impossible to do that and too painful???
What happens to all the impotent people in the world who can’t have sex???
Do these people also, not deserved to be loved without sex?
Do the they just end up with “bad” guys, because having sex, somehow changes a bad guy into a good guy???
I don’t think so. If they are a bad guy, having sex with them is not going to make them good.
What a load of bullshit.
And if people measure how much they are loved in a relationship by the amount of sex they are or are not having, they are valuing their own worth on how much contact they have with another person’s genitals, which they can’t control, – so there’s no wonder there are high divorced rates, broken relationships, and people feeling unloved and worthless.
So I went back home and Googled “I love kissing but not sex” and this is what happened next…
I’m financially free. As I finally got my disabilities officially recognised and my incomings are now more than my outgoings. Phew!
Asexuality is a sexual orientation largely based on a lack of sexual attraction, and for people like me, who identify as asexual, it can be hard to make our own voice heard.
Especially as sexual stereotypes and societal conditioning tell everyone that it’s natural to like, want, and need sex, and that anyone who says otherwise must be lying or have something wrong with them.
People tend to discard what they don’t understand.
They tend to disregard what is considered as “not” normal.
And they tend to feel extremely uncomfortable when something doesn’t fit in with their ideology.
But I encourage you to always stand proud of who you are, and to stop listening to what other people say, that drowns out the sound of your own voice.
Asexuals have as much right to speak out about how they think and feel, including if they don’t like, want, or need sex, and have the right to be taken seriously.
Just because asexuality is a minority sexuality, it doesn’t mean it’s wrong and not normal.
It’s normal for SOME people to not like, want, need, or get the urge for, partnered sexual intercourse, ever.
Don’t let anyone blind you into believing we are all the same – because we are not.
There ARE people who never want sex, and that’s okay.
The only reason most people don’t speak out, is because other’s ridicule them and tell you, you can’t be who you are born to be.
I am here to show you, you can.
That your life is your own and that speaking up, in your own voice, is essential to live your own life dreams and no one else’s. Regardless of your sexuality.
That’s why I’m thrilled to be able to give a voice to the voiceless, and share my own asexual life journey of how I became known as The Asexual Entrepreneur and explain what it feels like to be asexual in this highly sexualised world, and how to live your asexual dreams and be your true authentic self, no matter what, on the Dreams ARE Real podcast.
Don’t miss this ACE episode by listening through either of the links below, now, and tell me what you think…
Sex! Oh no! If that’s what you think, or you don’t see sex in the way that others do, then you could be asexual.
Asexuality in broad terms is a sexual orientation that is the lack of sexual attraction. If you are asexual, you can feel so lost and alone, especially when society tends to put sex on a pedastool and leads you to believe that everyone wants sex, as it’s natural. Well I can say for definite, that is isn’t natural for everyone. Some people just won’t want sex and don’t like to have it.
Check out this post below from a Voice In The Void, who not only bought a copy of my Asexual Perspectives book, but who explains the significant impact this book had on them and their life. And you can grab your copy of Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories book now, on Amazon here https://amzn.to/3LpCiJC
I thought that I would do a review of a book written by Sandra Bellamy regarding asexuality. She has written a few books (I’ll likely review others) and is currently writing another as I write this, which should hopefully be available soon. The book I shall discuss today is “Asexual Perspectives, 47 Asexual Stories” with […]
This is a very revealing, open and honest post! Although I am redundant from a full-time employed job of 5 years since last Sept/Oct – I stayed on Part-time for 4 weekends, and now my money has been used up from my redundancy pay and sadly UK benefits are not enough to pay all the bills and eat, I am fortunate that my Grandma left me small amount of money in her will to be able to eat. Thanks to her I can still have food in my belly at the moment. Yes, I am a writer and T-Shirt designer and seller, but sadly don’t make much money from that at the moment. It just about covers my business insurance and my expenses are far high with domains I need to continue to renew and all the other costs associated with that, and the time factor.
However, I have had dreams and plans of what I want to do with my websites/business for a long time and invested the last 6 years of time and money into my education so I can build a successful long-term business. I used some of my redundancy money to help me buy the systems and services I need to take my goals, plans, ambitions and dreams forward, and succeed. Do I think I will do it? Yes. I don’t just think it, I believe it, categorically, that I will be 100% successful, that my current situation, does not define who I am or what my future circumstances will be. Am I scared, you bet! But I wouldn’t have my life any other way. I could stay safe and be like a mouse, but that is not going to help me, and at the moment I am in danger anyway. Danger of all the possibilities of what happens if I can’t get an employed job for some reason – I am trained in retail since leaving college and a lot of the shops in the UK and closing down – and the dangers of if I do get an employed job again, only to be made redundant quite quickly again. Between this year and the next 5, most high street shops will close down, this means if I go back into that line of work, I am doomed, in a nutshell, in the long-time. So if I had some advice to give to you, it would be to always work hard at an ‘online’ side hustle. I know people who are making hundreds of thousands of pounds and millions of pounds from businesses that are online and got offline services to compliment it. I know a lot of models about building a profitable online business. I bought some thing lasts year that should have helped, but sadly, not everything goes according to plan, and not everything works as you wish it would, so you have to change direction and go get something else that will and start-over. Entrepreneurship is not for the faint-hearted, that is for sure!
So why the poster above this! Well although I am redundant and money is very tight, I am still making absolutely sure that I used redundancy as a golden opportunity to fulfil my goals, ambitions and dreams. I have my ebooks on my own online Quirky Books e-book store now within www.quirkybooks.net and www.quirky-books.com – a dream come true, since starting my www.quirkybooks.wordpress.com over 7 years ago – 8 years this November! I bought an ebook theme years ago, this year it became faulty with no way of me fixing it and the developer passing the buck – so I moved on and bought something else!
Whilst I am still actively seek work, I started to create my Ignite Your Happy course as I mentioned in a previous post, and I am still working on that one for my Quirky Academy! But in the meantime, I have been creating a short technical Kindle book for a very specific niche and my first ‘mini’ online training course for my Quirky Academy (soon to be officially launched – I have a bit more learning curve to do first – a big bit more – but I will succeed). Quirky Academy has been a dream of mine for years, but at the time I just thought it would be a personal and professional development training centre for Quirky people, with no defined niche as such, just Quirky people! But way before I was made redundant, I bought a high level course from an Entrepreneur, the most amount of money I ever spent on a course in my life to date, which I spent months going through and learning from, and I realised my niche was Entrepreneurs, Start-ups and Creatives, because we are the Quirky crazy people who aren’t normal! We live with mission and purpose and vigour. We live to be happy and please ourselves, whilst pleasing others and helping others at the same time. We can’t sit still, we have to keep moving forward with our lives, working on various projects and making our life really count and although it can be a hard slog at times – something the top entrepreneurs don’t want you to believe, as it would scupper their chances of you buying their products and services, and they are correct that you can work smarter, rather than harder, so their solutions aren’t wrong, but you still have to initially be the grinder and fuel the fire as it were, and those initial stages, could be years of your life! Are you prepared to do that? Give your life, to get a better one later on? I live for now and my future, it’s a fine balancing act. I gave up TV years ago, so my entrepreneur work can take flight. I know I was born for a special purpose, I know I am not normal and never have been. I am leader, not a follower. I think for myself – which many people in the employed sphere don’t like as I won’t conform to every bit of their ideal employee! – I have a brain and my own opinion, and I like to stand out and be outstanding. I am not a sheep, but the shepherd! I am not the robot, but the revolutioniser! I am not the norm, but the Quirky! I simply don’t fit into a box, not in my personal or professional life! I am also friends with a lot of entrepreneurs who share that vision of defining your own life and leading it by your own example and rules of life, so there will be other tutors on my Quirky Academy teaching courses in their specialist areas. I can’t wait for you to see it when it goes live. I am starting small and building big. I know the best of me, is still yet to come. Yes, I believe I was born to be a beast selling Author and I would love to write 24/7 if I could, but guess what? I actually love teaching and creating online video training courses to help people. So yeah, Quirky Academy is an all new online training centre, for entrepreneurs, start-ups and creatives, and by the 5th of June 2018, it will be live and looking good! Courses will appear one-by-one at first, and get more and more as momentum builds and I have the support in place for other tutors.
I already launched the trailer for my new Quirky Academy channel recently. Here it is and please subscribe, I would love you to support me in my journey and watch how I grow, and I can teach you a lot of stuff that I know already, so we can grow together!
So I still hear you jumping up and down and screaming at me, what has this got to do with the poster – ah! Well another dream I have had in the most recent years, is to be a speaker, specifically on stage in London. My specialist subject is Asexuality – Asexualise is my brand and I am the Author of Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity. Here is the link so you can check it out and shop for it https://amzn.to/2I6ZM96
So it would seem I am finally going to get to be a public speaker, in London, and on a topic (asexuality), that I know a lot about! So this is fabulous news. My hotel accommodation and transport are already booked and an asexual friend will be filming me and we will be hanging out together for 3 days, so that will be super cool! – You know I mentioned before about expenses being more than incomings at the moment – yeah, this is one of those times! But I will live my dream and it will be great for my career. As I have not completely got rid of my anxiety, it will be a break through boundaries personally for me!
You may not know this, but I organise Asexual (in person) meetups in my city of Exeter in the UK, and our next one is on Saturday 19th of May, but I am meeting up with two asexual guys the day before (tomorrow), as they are staying in a hotel. On Saturday we will be meeting up for food and drink and then going to the Underground Passages. Here is a video so you can have a peek.
I am a heteroromantic asexual – into guys only, and I love romance, kissing and affection. I love to meet other asexuals and it is really nice for me to be in the company of guys who enjoy my company without wanting to have sex with me – although I am attracted to guys, I never get the need, urge or want for sex, and yes, I have had that in the past and yes, my ex was good at it, and no, I don’t need it. Kissing I love, but not the sex, thanks. I would rather do the washing up and I hate washing up!
So yeah, in one year, this year, 2018, all of my dreams will come true! Well, I have not met my Asexual soulmate yet, that I know of, so that is the 4th dream! Yes, if I don’t get that right away, I can wait, while I build my dream career! But this is my absolute year to shine and get everything I want in terms of dreams coming true, so who knows, the year is young in this respect, with plenty more chance of me fulfilling my goals, ambitions and dreams! Of course I have more dreams to come true, like earning a full-time living from my online websites/business and never have to be in an employed job ever again, and come off benefits, and be able to eat without having to worry about money going down and not coming in – and all the potential issues with that! Which I will not think about as it just stops me from doing anything – it is paralysing. I am on a mission to be super successful and my life depends on it, and so does all the lives of those who I can impact and help with what I already know! So let’s do this together! See redundancy as an opportunity to live your purpose and live your dreams! I know I am, and I would love you to join me in my Quirky mission, take my hand and lets do this together!
Until next time, stay positive and live your purpose!
I am so happy to share the same page as world thought leaders Jack Canfield and Robin Sharma in The Book Of Why And How by Corey Poirier, giving my own quote to inspire you live your purpose! It feels amazing to be recognised as a thought-leader! I have always been leader rather than a follower, and finally I am not only recognised as a leader of my own life, but of a thought leader with the greats of this world!
“Jack Canfield is an award-winning speaker and an internationally recognized leader in personal development and peak performance strategies. For over 40 years, he has been teaching entrepreneurs, educators, corporate leaders, and people from all walks of life how to create the life they desire. As the beloved originator of the Chicken Soup for the Soul® series, he’s taught millions of individuals his modernized formulas for success, and now certifies trainers to teach his content and methodology all over the world. Jack is the author and co-author of more than 150 books (66 are bestsellers) with more than 100 million copies in print in 47 languages around the world. His bestselling book, The Success Principles: How to Get From Where You Are to Where You Want to Be has been hailed as the new self-improvement classic, now containing 67 of the most powerful secrets to success known to mankind. In 2014, SUCCESS magazine named him “One of the Most Influential Leaders in Personal Growth and Achievement.””
“Robin Sharma is one of the world’s premier speakers on Leadership and Personal Mastery. Sharma’s books such as The Leader Who Had No Title have topped bestseller lists internationally and his social media posts reach over six hundred million people a year, making him a true global phenomenon for helping people do brilliant work, thrive amid change and realize their highest leadership capacities within the organization so that personal responsibility, productivity, ingenuity and mastery soars. Sharma has been ranked as one of the Top 5 Leadership Experts in the World in an independent survey of over 22,000 businesspeople.”
Keep believing in your goals, ambitions and dreams. Keeping being a leader, not a follower, and shape your own destiny!