This was a hard ad-libbed poem for me to do!
It has been a really difficult and sad time for me lately, because on Sunday 29th of October, I had to split with my asexual boyfriend. The guy who I thought was my soulmate, and who was really kind, sweet and loving towards me, turned out not to be so nice after all, not loving me like he first did, or valuing my worth, and in fact exhibited some controlling behaviour, so I had to save myself any more heartache and split! It is hard when you think you know someone, you bring down many of your barriers to try to trust again, after previous past abusive relationships, then find out they are not the person you thought they are and turned out to be someone who would cause you more pain. He did a good job of fooling me!! I really thought he truly and deeply cared for me, but I was mistaken. I don’t think he knew the true meaning of the word love! His behaviour appeared to change so quickly!
I wrote an Asexual Newsletter which you can find here, about how his behaviour changed and about some of the signs of controlling behaviour that you may want to look out for! And about how sometimes, you have to be your own hero and save yourself and get out of a relationship that is no good for you, no matter how painful it may be: http://mailchi.mp/a50715303715/asexual-break-up-how-to-be-your-own-hero
Here is the full Asexual-Dating playlist so far, if you want to know more about my asexual dating journey!
If you are ever threatened with if you do x, y, or z, I will leave you, excluding domestic violence of course, then you are under that persons’ control and it is time to leave, however hard that may be!
You Could Change In A Heartbeat If You Wanted To, But I Know You Won’t Change Because It Is Too Much Hard Work For You, And That Won’t Do!
When Work Shows Up, You Flinch Away, Although You Work Hard In Your Job, Every Day.
You Never Stop To Think, About A Meaningful Life; Beyond What You Are Used To. Because To Think Like That Is Scary, And You Would Rather Live In Fear And Be Weary!
You Never Stop For One Moment And Considered, You Could Have Everything You Ever Dreamed Of, If You Hadn’t Dithered, And Gone Back To Your Old Ways, What A Waste Of Days.
It’s A Waste Of Time; Of Love, It’s A Crime!
Maybe One Day You Will Look Back At What You Did, You Will Feel Sorry That It’s Me You Went To Hid.
You Will One Day Find Out That These Other Girls Never Cared About You, Then What Will You Do?
You Will Keep Getting Older And None The Wiser, You Will Keep Being A Coward Without An Advisor.
But I Also See Braveness In You, And How Far You Have Come Too.
But The Thing You Are Most Afraid Of, The Lonliness That Will Lead To Despair, Will Be There.
Still I Wish You Well, I Wish All My Love For You Will Impress Upon Your Heart, Some New Found Meaning, Even Though You Pushed Us Apart.
I Wish For You The Best, Even Though I Find It Hard To Rest.
I Find It Hard To Let You Go, But You’ve Already Moved On Without A Care, I Know!
Even Though You Gave Up Easily, Can’t You See, I Was So Good For You, Even Though You Weren’t For Me!
If You Actually Knew How Your Behaviour Affected Me, If You Were In My Position, Would You See?
You Could Change In A Heartbeat If You Wanted To, But I Know That Is Something You Will Never Do!
Don’t neglect it!
Don’t refuse to see it!
Don’t choose not to believe it.
Live it, love it, run with it!
Because life is way too short to not allow yourself to try something out. If nothing else, you will learn an important lesson on the journey of life!!
Only the brave make it through the night;
When it’s full of darkness and toil and fright.
Only the brave can see the light
And move forward to the bright.
Only the brave will see a project through; take action; and just ‘do’.
Only the brave will be willing to do what other’s won’t, who say I can’t, or I don’t.
Only the brave will know their mind, will love themselves, and be kind.
Only the brave will be strong enough, to wear their heart on their sleeve, even when it’s tough.
Only the brave will do what’s right; not cheat, lie, or provoke a fight.
Only the brave will do what has never been done before, and then some more!
Only the brave will believe that which they can’t see, with faith in their own intuition, it will be!
Only the brave will face their fear head on, and push through it, and become strong!!
Only the brave will read this, say, and see, THAT’S ME!!!
Beauty be You!
Beauty be Me!
Beauty is all around Us!
For the World to See!
But do you see IT?
In the Small things?
In the Big things?
In ALL things?
Do you recognise the beauty of Friendship?
Of Harmony or Strife?
Of Darkness or Light?
Do you see the beauty in Yourself?
In Sickness and in Health?
In Poorness and in Wealth?
Do you see the beauty in the Ordinary?
And the Extraordinary?
Beauty is You!
And beauty is Me!
That much beauty, is what I see.
From your nose, to your toes,
From your Mind, to your Spirit,
I love every Minute,
Of being with YOU xx