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What is Asexuality? How Do I know If I Am Asexual? Asexual Awareness Week!

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So from time-to-time, and this is one of those times, I like to replicate an interesting post from my writing and quirky blog www.quirkybooks.wordpress.com

Today marks the beginning of Asexual Awareness Week! Asexuality is a sexual orientation that is the lack of sexual attraction and makes up a recorded 1% of the population. This means we don’t get the need, urge, or want, for sexual intercourse! And when I say we, it’s because I am asexual, but more about that later!

Asexual Awareness Week is from Sunday 22nd Oct-Sat 28th of October 2017.

Have you ever asked yourself, “Could I be asexual?”, “How do I know if I am asexual?”, And “What is Asexuality?”

Have you ever thought to yourself; I am not that bothered about sex; I don’t want sex; I don’t need sex; I don’t love in that way; I am not that type of person; but you are scared of saying that out aloud because society usually validates relationships with how good your sex life is? And society keeps shoving sex down your throat – Buy this to get more sex! Have to this get more sex! You need sex to be happy! You need sex to love! You need sex to live! I am here to tell you, this simply is not true for everyone. And if this sounds like you, there is nothing wrong with you, you are likely to be asexual and that is a great thing, because it means you have the capacity to love and be loved, in a relationship, without sex.

Asexuality is a sexual orientation that is barely unheard of and deeply misunderstood. Many asexuals are asexual from birth, but do not realise it until much later in life. In fact, it was a fellow blogger who used to write about sex in an educative way, not a lustful way, that first suggested I was asexual. But back then I hated the fact the word had the word sexual in it, it sounded alien to me, and I quickly retorted back in a message that I just don’t associate sex with love, but I like kissing, and that was the end of that. I am not sure how many years that was prior to my discovery, but in 2014, I went to see a counsellor, because I could no longer go on dating heterosexuals as it used to make me almost wet myself at the thought of the expectation they would want it to lead to sex. When I told the counsellor I was worried that I would like a relationship, but that I may not be able to be in one again, because I don’t like sex, she said that I would need to have sex in order to keep a good guy!! I thought this can’t be right, surely there must be others like me, and why should I have to do something I don’t want to do, just to have a good relationship? So I went home and Googled ‘I love kissing but not sex’, and it came up with asexuality and www.asexuality.org which is the biggest online community for asexuals. I read some of their forums threads, before registering at a later date, and I really related to what they were saying and I thought, ‘Finally, there are people like me in the world, who can love and have relationships without sex, and who want relationships without sex, and I am not alone, and I never have to have sex again in my life’, it was such a relief!! I now have an asexual boyfriend, I couldn’t be happier!

The full definition of asexuality is: Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction, and/or little to no interest in sexual activities. Notice the OR. So although most asexuals are born asexual and do not realise it, there are a smaller number of people who identify as asexual later in life, because things have changed for them and they are permanently no longer interested in sexual activities, even if previously they lead a very heterosexual life. I was born asexual but did not realise it, and I was in heterosexual relationships for years, but I did not experience sexual attraction as I had no urge, need, or want to have sex, even with someone I loved. Although I have had sex in the past and my last long-term ex was good at it, I always preferred his kiss and finger to his penis, and had sex because I felt I had to!

Within the Asexuality sexual orientation, there are subcategories on something called the Asexual Spectrum. If you think of the A in Asexual to mean ‘absence’ of sexual attraction, you can’t go far wrong. So if you think of it as starting off as aromantic asexuals – those who are absent of romantic attraction and absent of sexual attraction, then the greyromantics, those that experience a little romance in certain circumstances but not sexual attraction, and the demi-romantics, those who can only experience romantic attraction, once a strong emotional bond has been formed, but not sexual attraction. Then there are the romantics. Within the romantics; those who experience romantic attraction, there are heteroromantics (attracted to the opposite sex or gender romantically but not sexually), which is what I am. I am only romantically attracted to guys. I want to kiss, hold hands and cuddle, but not have sex with them and I am never attracted to women. There are the homoromantics, (attracted to the same sex or gender romantically but not sexually), biromantics, (those attracted to both male and female romantically but not sexually), and panromantics, (those attracted to any gender romantically but not sexually, when I say any gender, this could include attraction towards those who are agenda and gender fluid). This list is not exhaustive, this is just the main ones. Then there are those asexuals on the more sexual end of the asexual spectrum, known as the grey asexuals and demi-sexuals. The grey asexuals, who are often also known as Grey A, or sometimes greysexuals, are those who experience sexual attraction but only under limited, or rare, or specific circumstances, or who experience sexual attraction but not enough to want to act on it. Grey asexual, also used to be a catch all term for those who are somewhere between asexual and sexual, but don’t quite fit into an asexual box. However, this definition is no longer on Aven Wiki. Which is a resource about asexuality from www.asexuality.org. In my Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity book, I redefine Grey A to mean asexual with Grey Areas, such as sexual behaviours. So my Grey Area for example is I love passionate kissing and I experience high levels of arousal, but I never experience sexual attraction. This means that I can exhibit some sexual behaviour, even though I never have a need, urge, or want for sex. But I don’t feel comfortable just saying I am a straightforward heteroromantic, because many heteroromantics don’t like kissing as much as I do, or how passionately as I do, so I don’t fit the Grey A box as it is described, but I have Grey Areas, which is why I think Grey A, should be a separate definition to grey asexual and greysexual. And finally we have the demisexuals, those who usually experience romantic attraction, but can only experience sexual attraction once a strong emotional bond is formed and this could take up to 2 years or more, for example. And this if you like, is where asexuality ends and the sexual spectrum starts. Although there are other asexual categories and subcategories, even within the categories I already mentioned, but I don’t want to confuse you as it’s a lot to get your head around. Subscribe to my channel if you want to know more about asexuality www.youtube.com/c/asexualisemyasexuallife

I wrote a book about asexuality, you can shop for it here by clicking on this link: Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity.

You can find me on Facebook at www.facebook.com/acexualise or Twitter www.twitter.com/asexualise.

If someone is asexual, they are often referred to as ace, and I usually always end my asexual blog posts with always stay ace!

As this is my redundancy and inspiration blog, I will say, always stay positive, not matter what! Sandra xx

 

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REDUNDANCY Dream Finally Comes True!! ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES Quirky Books Paperback Published!

When I was made redundant for the second time in my life, in 2009, it is then that I discovered 100% that I was born to write. I started my www.quirkybooks.wordpress.com writing blog over 6 years ago and I knew back then, that I wanted to have my own publishing company called Quirky Books, and this year, that dream, finally came true. Yes, I am a registered publisher, and this Asexual Perspectives book is the first of my books going into print ( 3rd Kindle book). It was a proud moment to finally hold my printed book in my hands and even a more proud moment, that my number one fan of my Asexualise work and brand, did an unboxing video and was so excited to receive a copy of my work!! To hear him say the words, “Author Sandra Bellamy”, felt incredible. There is no better feeling in the world than the power to change lives, through the written word. As a registered publisher I have to by law, send a paperback copy to the British Library for free. It then goes down as part of English heritage, so will be there for generations to come, long after I am gone, for people to use in their research and to further their. Here is the link to get the book in a Kindle veraion http://amzn.to/2szjNJQ Or UK site is http://amzn.to/2u6vps7

In broad terms Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction, but what does this actually mean for those who identify with this sexual orientation? And what do asexuals really think of love, life and sex?

Whilst all asexuals have one thing in common – the lack of sexual attraction towards a specific person, we are all different in our likes, needs, wants and dislikes. This can make fitting into the asexual spectrum and finding a suitable relationship difficult.

Right now, there are a number of myths about asexuality and stereotypes – even within the asexual community, about what asexuals do and do not like, should and should not do, and these need to be addressed and broken through!

If you identify as asexual do you –

Struggle to have a voice in this sexualized world?
Feel alone?
Misunderstood?
Misplaced?
Broken?
Left out?
Not recognised?
Have no one to relate to?
Find it difficult to find others like you?
Feel like everyone is speaking a foreign language where sex is concerned?

Or are you unsure of your identity and sometimes get confused and you want to know what asexuals really think of Love, Life and Sex, and what experiences they have had or are having; and how they manage their relationships? If so, then look no further than this book. In this book you will discover asexuals who feel just like you.

In this book I will reveal my own asexual perspective and personal story as well as perspectives from 46 asexuals around the globe; dispelling myths and breaking stereotypes; sharing their own personal journey to help you in yours and with a surprising over-riding message!

In this book you will:

•Learn the asexual perspectives of Aromantics; Heteroromantics; Homoromantics; Panromantics; Grey Aces; Demi-sexual; Biromantic; Agender; Transgender; Polyamorous and many more.

•Uncover Asexuals’ deepest fears, concerns and worries about being asexual.

•Find out possible reasons why, in general, society does not accept asexuality as a sexual orientation in its own right and what we can do about this to change the world!

•Discover what asexuals really believe are the differences between sexual attraction, sexual desire and arousal.

•Find out what asexuals really think of nudity; porn; masturbation; BDSM and kinks.

•Discover what it feels like to have sex as an asexual and how to cope with the sexualized world that we live in.

•Find out what asexuals think about living together, about marriage and about having kids.

•Discover what an ideal asexual relationship would look like and whether asexuals believe a relationship with a sexual would be fair or not.

•Uncover the positives about being asexual.

•Find out what advice asexuals would give to a younger version of themselves regarding asexuality and what advice they would give to others who are just discovering they may be asexual.

I feel truly blessed that all interviewees have been willing to open up and share their most intimate moments, thoughts, feelings and emotions with you. What you are about to read is unique, amazing, interesting, sometimes candidly humorous, fascinating and insightful. This is their story, now it’s their time to tell it.

If you have resonated with any of these points and you want to know more, please invest in this book and scroll up and add to cart!

Heteroromantic, Author Sandra Bellamy is the founder of http://www.asexualise.com, with products, resources and services for asexuals. She sees herself as an ambassador for asexuality and is on a mission to get asexuality recognised as a sexual orientation in its own right throughout the globe so that no asexual has to live in fear of ridicule ever again. By purchasing this book you will gain a deeper understanding of this often misunderstood sexual orientation and help to spread awareness of asexuality at the same time. We may be small in numbers, but we can still make a huge difference to the world at large and celebrate our diversity.

The print version of my 560 page Asexual Perspectives book is now available to buy on Amazon here http://amzn.to/2u1wp0O. Or UK site http://amzn.to/2tw739A

To celebrate this book going into print, our diversity across the spectrum, and our individuality within it, I founded Asexual Perspectives Awareness Month, 1st-31st of July 2017, #APAM. Like www.facebook.com/acexualise to join in the celebration fun and subscribe on www.youtube.com/c/asexualisemyasexuallife to see a different video every day, for 31 days of #APAM, related to a topic from the book that matters to you and join in the conversation!!

 So grab your copy now and get educated on this often unheard of, and deeply misunderstood sexual orientation, that is asexuality, the (A)absence of sexual attraction!

Why Should Sexual Orientation Matter?

Your sexual orientation can prove a barrier to getting back into work, even though it shouldn’t, if you have a narrow-minded potential boss for an interviewer. At the end of the day, if they cannot accept your sexuality in an interview, you are going to have more problems down the line and that speaks volumes for the type of ship they will run. Yes, it’s true you don’t have to mention your sexuality in an interview, and I am not saying you should, but you can’t hide it forever – What happens when you are seen in town together with your ‘partner’, or you get asked to bring your ‘partner’ along to the Christmas party. And although you can’t be asked about your orientation as an interview question, you usually have to fill in an equal opportunities monitoring form. If this is done and handed it at the interview stage, and they know your orientation without asking it, they may use subtle questions to ask you about it or it may go against you, so just be mindful of this. I was once asked in an interview if I liked to go out with the girls from work clubbing – this should never have been asked in an interview. At that time I didn’t, and surprise, surprise, I didn’t get that job for a retail assistant at a young women’s clothing fashion brand, which eventually closed down. The girls in the shop, clearly wanted me to say I would go clubbing with them. Now, I do like going clubbing sometimes, but it’s not the point!

This week from 19th-25th of October, is Asexual Awareness Week. Become educated about Asexuality Awareness with my new Asexualise My Asexual Life YouTube channel

“For far too long many Asexuals have been living in fear of coming out about their sexuality, due to society’s pressures to conform to a majority sexual population. That’s all about to change!”

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