What is Asexuality? How Do I know If I Am Asexual? Asexual Awareness Week!

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So from time-to-time, and this is one of those times, I like to replicate an interesting post from my writing and quirky blog www.quirkybooks.wordpress.com

Today marks the beginning of Asexual Awareness Week! Asexuality is a sexual orientation that is the lack of sexual attraction and makes up a recorded 1% of the population. This means we don’t get the need, urge, or want, for sexual intercourse! And when I say we, it’s because I am asexual, but more about that later!

Asexual Awareness Week is from Sunday 22nd Oct-Sat 28th of October 2017.

Have you ever asked yourself, “Could I be asexual?”, “How do I know if I am asexual?”, And “What is Asexuality?”

Have you ever thought to yourself; I am not that bothered about sex; I don’t want sex; I don’t need sex; I don’t love in that way; I am not that type of person; but you are scared of saying that out aloud because society usually validates relationships with how good your sex life is? And society keeps shoving sex down your throat – Buy this to get more sex! Have to this get more sex! You need sex to be happy! You need sex to love! You need sex to live! I am here to tell you, this simply is not true for everyone. And if this sounds like you, there is nothing wrong with you, you are likely to be asexual and that is a great thing, because it means you have the capacity to love and be loved, in a relationship, without sex.

Asexuality is a sexual orientation that is barely unheard of and deeply misunderstood. Many asexuals are asexual from birth, but do not realise it until much later in life. In fact, it was a fellow blogger who used to write about sex in an educative way, not a lustful way, that first suggested I was asexual. But back then I hated the fact the word had the word sexual in it, it sounded alien to me, and I quickly retorted back in a message that I just don’t associate sex with love, but I like kissing, and that was the end of that. I am not sure how many years that was prior to my discovery, but in 2014, I went to see a counsellor, because I could no longer go on dating heterosexuals as it used to make me almost wet myself at the thought of the expectation they would want it to lead to sex. When I told the counsellor I was worried that I would like a relationship, but that I may not be able to be in one again, because I don’t like sex, she said that I would need to have sex in order to keep a good guy!! I thought this can’t be right, surely there must be others like me, and why should I have to do something I don’t want to do, just to have a good relationship? So I went home and Googled ‘I love kissing but not sex’, and it came up with asexuality and www.asexuality.org which is the biggest online community for asexuals. I read some of their forums threads, before registering at a later date, and I really related to what they were saying and I thought, ‘Finally, there are people like me in the world, who can love and have relationships without sex, and who want relationships without sex, and I am not alone, and I never have to have sex again in my life’, it was such a relief!! I now have an asexual boyfriend, I couldn’t be happier!

The full definition of asexuality is: Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction, and/or little to no interest in sexual activities. Notice the OR. So although most asexuals are born asexual and do not realise it, there are a smaller number of people who identify as asexual later in life, because things have changed for them and they are permanently no longer interested in sexual activities, even if previously they lead a very heterosexual life. I was born asexual but did not realise it, and I was in heterosexual relationships for years, but I did not experience sexual attraction as I had no urge, need, or want to have sex, even with someone I loved. Although I have had sex in the past and my last long-term ex was good at it, I always preferred his kiss and finger to his penis, and had sex because I felt I had to!

Within the Asexuality sexual orientation, there are subcategories on something called the Asexual Spectrum. If you think of the A in Asexual to mean ‘absence’ of sexual attraction, you can’t go far wrong. So if you think of it as starting off as aromantic asexuals – those who are absent of romantic attraction and absent of sexual attraction, then the greyromantics, those that experience a little romance in certain circumstances but not sexual attraction, and the demi-romantics, those who can only experience romantic attraction, once a strong emotional bond has been formed, but not sexual attraction. Then there are the romantics. Within the romantics; those who experience romantic attraction, there are heteroromantics (attracted to the opposite sex or gender romantically but not sexually), which is what I am. I am only romantically attracted to guys. I want to kiss, hold hands and cuddle, but not have sex with them and I am never attracted to women. There are the homoromantics, (attracted to the same sex or gender romantically but not sexually), biromantics, (those attracted to both male and female romantically but not sexually), and panromantics, (those attracted to any gender romantically but not sexually, when I say any gender, this could include attraction towards those who are agenda and gender fluid). This list is not exhaustive, this is just the main ones. Then there are those asexuals on the more sexual end of the asexual spectrum, known as the grey asexuals and demi-sexuals. The grey asexuals, who are often also known as Grey A, or sometimes greysexuals, are those who experience sexual attraction but only under limited, or rare, or specific circumstances, or who experience sexual attraction but not enough to want to act on it. Grey asexual, also used to be a catch all term for those who are somewhere between asexual and sexual, but don’t quite fit into an asexual box. However, this definition is no longer on Aven Wiki. Which is a resource about asexuality from www.asexuality.org. In my Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity book, I redefine Grey A to mean asexual with Grey Areas, such as sexual behaviours. So my Grey Area for example is I love passionate kissing and I experience high levels of arousal, but I never experience sexual attraction. This means that I can exhibit some sexual behaviour, even though I never have a need, urge, or want for sex. But I don’t feel comfortable just saying I am a straightforward heteroromantic, because many heteroromantics don’t like kissing as much as I do, or how passionately as I do, so I don’t fit the Grey A box as it is described, but I have Grey Areas, which is why I think Grey A, should be a separate definition to grey asexual and greysexual. And finally we have the demisexuals, those who usually experience romantic attraction, but can only experience sexual attraction once a strong emotional bond is formed and this could take up to 2 years or more, for example. And this if you like, is where asexuality ends and the sexual spectrum starts. Although there are other asexual categories and subcategories, even within the categories I already mentioned, but I don’t want to confuse you as it’s a lot to get your head around. Subscribe to my channel if you want to know more about asexuality www.youtube.com/c/asexualisemyasexuallife

I wrote a book about asexuality, you can shop for it here by clicking on this link: Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity.

You can find me on Facebook at www.facebook.com/acexualise or Twitter www.twitter.com/asexualise.

If someone is asexual, they are often referred to as ace, and I usually always end my asexual blog posts with always stay ace!

As this is my redundancy and inspiration blog, I will say, always stay positive, not matter what! Sandra xx

 

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About Quirky Books

Published Author of BREAK THROUGH THE BARRIERS OF REDUNDANCY TO GET BACK INTO WORK - AN A-Z 'HOW TO' GUIDE and How To Get Started With Twitter For Absolute Beginners, A Step-By-Step Guide and Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories: Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity. In a nutshell, my Break Through The Barriers Of Redundancy book is a complete A-Z system for getting back into work, and a comprehensive guide about how you can recover from the devastating effects of redundancy to live the life of your dreams. Although this book is predominantly aimed at redundant workers, the content will prove equally useful to jobseekers or anyone looking to change careers for whatever reason. This book provides eighty benefits and covers twenty-six aspects of redundancy. It’s a system because each of the chapters is broken down into ‘5 components of redundancy’. You need to master all components in order to give you the best chance of success at getting back into work. Because this book takes a holistic view of redundancy, one of the key elements to master first of all is wellbeing skills, before progressing through exploring what options are available to you and later, learning the practical job skills. This book is different because it does not just focus on one element of redundancy, but on the many barriers you need to conquer if you are to successfully get back into work, I show you how to deal with the inner trauma and turmoil of being made redundant (health and wellbeing skills), before focusing on the practical elements such as job skills, and deciding on your future path. I have worked in management roles for seven years. Part of my management duties entailed interviewing, recruiting, training and coaching staff and I took part in every aspect of the recruitment process from placing the advert to completing staff inductions and training. I have also experienced the other side of the recruitment process, when I was applying for work and being interviewed for jobs whilst redundant. I have been made redundant twice and each time managed to successfully work my way back up the career ladder. It is from experience that I have gained insight into both points of view and I am able to help others. This book is the first Quirky Book that I published and it's under my own imprint of Quirky Books. It's unique and groundbreaking because it combines two genres, an A-Z Guide with a How To book. Each of its A-Z chapters is about an element of redundancy, and within each chapter it explains how to do things related to that element to break though your barriers of redundancy and beat your redundancy blues. That’s what makes it a quirky book. Buy it from Amazon UK: http://www.amazon.co.uk/BREAK-THROUGH-BARRIERS-REDUNDANCY-GUIDE-ebook/dp/B0128RWB5O Buy it from Amazon USA: http://www.amazon.co.uk/BREAK-THROUGH-BARRIERS-REDUNDANCY-GUIDE-ebook/dp/B0128RWB5O Like on Facebook www.facebook.com/BreakThroughTheBarriersOfRedundancyBook You can view my quirkybooks writing blog at http://www.quirkybooks.wordpress.com

Posted on October 22, 2017, in Redundancy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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